The vast majority of us experience a jarring feeling when someone comes up with an idea, a thought, or an opinion that is different from our own. This is perception error; it's a biological response.
Not liking different ideas and thoughts of others, however, is learnt.
When we first experience difference as young children, curiosity often comes as easily as wariness. All too often, as we get older, society, our friends, and families teach us to resolve that tension toward mistrust.
It's an evolutionary mechanism, designed to protect us and keep us alive. Under the uncertain conditions our ancestors faced, a mind that erred toward caution - treating the unfamiliar as a possible threat - survived more often than one that didn't, so we inherited a set of "better safe than sorry" biases.[12] We may live in a world of wonders, but biologically, we are barely out of the cave. Difference could be someone from a different tribe who wants to kill you. Evolution takes a long time to catch up, especially given the astonishing technological advances of the modern world.
When at work and you are discussing a problem, and a colleague comes up with a completely different idea to you, it can be difficult to deal with.
That jarring feeling at experiencing difference is mild at one end of the spectrum to full-blown racism and xenophobia at the other. The same evolutionary mechanism is behind both; what differs is how far learning and environment have amplified it.[13]
This also goes for different views on anything, the classics being religion and politics. This can happen every single day. When it does, how often do you stop and really listen to someone else's viewpoint and how they came to it?
It's fine not to agree with someone - not all ideas are kind, for example. But you will almost never change their mind by telling them they are wrong; contradicting someone tends to entrench people's views rather than alter them. Asking questions that enable some to explain step by step how the ideas work and where they came from enables them to see the flaws in their own logic.[14] Socrates worked this out 2,400 years ago.
Not liking different ideas and thoughts of others, however, is learnt. What is learnt is not fixed, and with time we can learn to embrace difference and learn from it rather than being wary.
[12] Haselton, M. G., & Nettle, D. (2006). The paranoid optimist: An integrative evolutionary model of cognitive biases. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(1), 47-66.
[13] Kurzban, R., & Leary, M. R. (2001). Evolutionary origins of stigmatization: The functions of social exclusion. Psychological Bulletin, 127(2), 187-208.
[14] Fernbach, P. M., Rogers, T., Fox, C. R., & Sloman, S. A. (2013). Political extremism is supported by an illusion of understanding. Psychological Science, 24(6), 939-946.
